Friday, December 9, 2011

{* 50 reasons not to DATE A PHOTOGRAPHER *}

 ** IM WARNING U**

‪1.‬They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you.
‪2.‬On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”
‪3.‬You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll point out all the visual flaws.
‪4.‬They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time.
‪5.‬If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a photo.
‪6.‬You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.
‪7.‬They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in photography, can you recommend a good camera for me? Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures.”
‪8.‬You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv
‪9.‬Same goes with old used bookstores.
‪10.‬When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool.
‪11.‬Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch everything going on around you.
‪12.‬They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 
‪13.‬You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.
‪14.‬If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later.”
‪15.‬They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up to their “standards.”
‪16.‬That photo they randomly took of you yesterday? Good luck getting them to send it to you.
‪17.‬They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)
‪18.‬They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random numbers.
‪19.‬They still use film cameras.
‪20.‬They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people.
‪21.‬They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup.
‪22.‬They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram.
‪23.‬They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever understand.
‪24.‬They like looking at weird things in general.
‪25.‬Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.
‪26.‬If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a plane going over there.
‪27.‬Everything is watermarked.
‪28.‬They think everyone else’s photos suck.
‪29.‬They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.
‪30.‬They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.
‪31.‬Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskin.
‪32.‬They use over priced Moleskin notebooks.
‪33.‬They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health hazards.
‪34.‬They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if you like it or not.
‪35.‬They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.
‪36.‬Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!
‪37.‬They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged.
‪38.‬Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.
‪39.‬You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything.
‪40.‬They will always bug you to be a test subject.
‪41.‬Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
‪42.‬Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.
‪43.‬If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of dollars.
‪44.‬You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $500
‪45.‬They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers, packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.
‪46.‬They are weird and geeky.
‪47.‬They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.
‪48.‬They are always secretly judging your creativity.
‪49.‬If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.
‪50.‬They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique

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